Title
The title is kind of interesting. It doesn't have much to do with the story, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I once read a story called "Two Creams, No Sugar" and that was only because one of the characters liked her coffee like that. However, it doesn't particularly stand out, or catch someone's eye. Changing the title into something attention-grabbing might he a good idea, though I certainly don't mind it staying like this.
Plot
The plot of the story is easy to follow and incredibly intriguing. It is about werewolves/shifters, but that fact is not truly the point. The narrator of the story is an eighteen-year-old shifter girl named Christina. Christina is independent and prefers not to have a serious relationship with any boy. She was caught in another pack's land and was taken to the Alpha for that reason. Here's the thing though; the alpha is her mate, whether she likes it or not-- which she doesn't. The focus of the plot is that Christina is trying to resist the "mate bond" between her and Kaiden, or Slade, as Christina calls him.
Mistakes Seen
There weren't many, which impressed me, since English is the author's second language.
- "I can tell, he's an beast in bed, and I can do..." Here, two things. The first comma shouldn't be there. Also, 'an' should be 'a'. (Chapter One)
- "The man besides me, whom I..." I believe 'besides' should be 'beside'. I'm not positive though. (Chapter One)
- "He sighs, a regretful look cross his features." Here, 'cross' should be 'crossing'. (When Christina is being kicked out of her flat)
- "I gather be dying..." Should be 'I'd rather'. (Chapter Four?)
That's all I saw.
Characters
- Christina (Tris/Chris)- The narrator of the story. Christina is stubborn, like her father, and very independent. She is eighteen and a shifter in college. She takes her studies seriously, but she can't deny that she loves a good party. She can be sarcastic and vicious with her insults and she doesn't like Brody at all. She is Slade's mate, but she doesn't want him. She wants a career and a life, but a mate, to her, would only complicate things. She was hurt badly by an ex-mate (whose name has not been revealed yet), which is why she is quite reluctant to have a serious relationship.
- Kaiden Slade - Slade is a shifter and an Alpha. He is also Christina's mate. He cares deeply for her, and though he crosses the line occasionally, he more or less respects her wish to remain without a mate. He is stubborn and refuses to give up on earning her trust. He doesn't know about her ex-mate. He wants to protect her, and has even went so far as to command one of his pack to play as a bodyguard to her.
- Sienna (Enna)- Sienna is Christina's best friend. She is human, and very much involved in Christina's love life. She continuously states that Christina and Slade will inevitably end up together. She is currently dating her boyfriend of four months, Brody. She brushes off all the flirting that Brody directs at Christina. She is Thomas's mate, though she doesn't know that. She just recently exchanged numbers with Thomas, and they are friends.
- Thomas- Thomas is a member of Slade's pack. He is a shifter, of course, and is Christina's bodyguard. He follows her wherever she goes, to keep an eye on her. He is also Sienna's mate, but he knows she is with another human. Therefore, he doesn't want to force the mate bond on her, so he is currently her friend.
- Brody- Brody is Enna's boyfriend. He has not appeared in the story often, but he seems to be very flirtatious. Christina referred to him as "a womanizer." Christina doesn't like him at all.
- "Aunt" Michelle- Uncle Mill's wife. She is in a coma. There is not much said, but Christina says "she must be a sweetheart." Uncle Mill stays by her every night. She is not actually Christina's aunt, however.
- "Uncle" Miller- Aunt Michelle's husband. He feels guilty that his wife went into a coma, because they had argued right before. He isn't really Christina's uncle, but the owner of the flat she rents. She thinks of him as an uncle, though.
- Slade's Father (Dad)- Slade's father is referred to only as Dad. He seems to be kind and caring, but we know little about him.
Details
The details in this story were surprisingly good and fascinating. Each scene was described well, and I had a good grasp of the main characters. I can picture each scene. You could always do with a little more for the environment, or the way a character perceives the scene, but there's always a way to improve.
Grammar
The grammar is very well in this story. The only problem was the commas. Many people have trouble with that. To quote an old English teacher of mine on the subject of commas, "When in doubt, leave it out."
My Opinion
I really enjoyed this story. The details were rich and there were little to no mistakes with grammar and spelling. The plot line is easy to follow and keeps you hooked. However, the author should add a few plot twists later in the story; something that can throw the reader off, make them a little confused, so that they didn't expect it. Don't make them angry by confusing them. I'm not approving making a super complicated and super confusing plot, but do something that will catch the the reader off guard.
Suggestions
Again, like I said, add some twists to the plot. Watch out for your comma placement. I recommend, as I do for anyone that makes mistakes, getting an editor. Their job is to make sure you don't have those kinds of mistakes. Just be sure to thank them every chance you get, like in the footer of your story. They like to be acknowledged.
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